The Inner Critic

1-2010, Maagan Michael Focusing Course
The Inner Critic and Inner Victim Process

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I was sitting with Anat Miron, ‘on stage’. The other course participants watching and listening. My heart pounding. What did I get myself in to??  I was going to focus on a part of my criticizing… It felt scary. Anat gently invited me to take a few breaths and investigate the felt sense. These last month had been really hard for me coping with my life and all it brought to me. A lot of it’s felt difficulties came from the inner war that I experienced inside of me. I felt both anxiously excited and ready and anxiously panicked to start looking inside of this inner stressful situation knowing it would start an internal change. I had total trust in my teacher Anat, so I took the breaths and looked inside.

Underneath all the anxiety I found a small tube of light from the lower belly straight through the center all the way up to the top of my head. Strangling parasite vegetation grew around it. Choking my inner strength, confidence, and energy. The Inner Critic, a woman voice, me as a child?, was very resistant. ‘You can never do it, you ‘r not good enough, you don’t have it in you, you only know how to fake,…” She floated right of my head. She’s strong, angry. A part in my felt very small, hurt, down in the belly, the womb. Small and helpless like an embryo. Wishing to not be… I knew these feelings very well. Sometimes I reacted on the IC with depression and sometimes with anger and rage. Now, I rested, welcomed them both and listened. The part in me criticizing willing to communicate her worries and fears. My empathic listening was all that it takes to melt both parts, critic and victim. They felt listened to and relaxed, giving space to sense again my inner light center, still with it’s vegetation around it, now no longer it felt as choking, it felt as a supporting, alive life energy giving plant. My inner me, a glowing light body, open, alert, looking confidentially up into the sky. Arms and hands wide open, receiving as well as giving life’s energy. I feel everything is moving, transforming, growing glowing. I feel supported and totally at ease with those parts that once appeared to criticize and be criticized of…

It has now been a month since this session. The part in me that was criticizing is still calm. The words she used to say over and over again lost their power. She actually became very quite, or transformed somehow into a much more supporting inner voice. With opening the dialog with her, I opened a path to Healing. There hasn’t been an depression since, which is for me quit remarkable, since I’ve been experiencing devastating depressing moods for around 2 years now, since the birth of my second son. The reoccurring depressions had gone so bad that I could feel utterly lonely and hopeless. At times I couldn’t see the light, or the way out…

I am still learning, focusing into myself. Discovering and healing. Trusting the Process….

With Love,

Anna Jongeleen

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